I Need Your Help

So this is a personal letter that I wrote to close friends and family members seeking support for a program that I work with. Then I thought. Yo why not ask the 'general' public? So I'm going out on a limb and putting myself out there *freeze* and sharing this letter that has content that I'm pretty self conscious about, hoping that it will move someone who maybe is not so close to me to support this cause. Okay blah blah blah...here's what I wrote.

Hello,

I am doing something crazy. I am writing you to ask you for $50. 

Why? Okay...I'll tell you.

In high school I contemplated joining the drill team to fulfill my desire to dance; but my hair was too nappy, my clothes too un-stylish, and I was just way too African. Furthermore, any chance that I could maybe have made it were sqaushed by me falling smack on my head in front of some 50 odd pretty girls when I attempted that jump-kick thing at tryouts. Not to be deterred by my shortcomings I forged ahead only to find out that the price of uniforms, shoes, batons sticks and mini pom poms were enough to feed the whole Turkana village in Kenya, so therefore eliminating any possibilities that I might be able to dabble in this...this 'hobby' of mine.

The above was pretty much a template of most forms of art I thought about pursuing. I was left to express art and creativity by writing cheesy poems in my journal & dreaming theater productions in my head.  Until finally I was old enough to take charge of 'my life' but it may have been a bit late...because now I feel overwhelmingly insecure, self aware and unskilled. In other words, too old to be a beginner. 

If you know anything about growing up Nigerian, you will know that any academic or career endeavors outside of doctorlawyerengineer are generally frowned upon at varying degrees. It could range anywhere from your parents threatening the wrath of the local gods on you or them hinting that it would be nice if you did strive for such but they would support you with something else as long as that something else was deemed viable enough.

Art, Music, Dance, that Rubbish that Oyinbo people do though. COMPLETELY out of the question. Are you mad? Is this what we sent you to America for?

I have to wonder 'What if there was a Loco Bloco in my life at the time?' A program that was completely FREE for me to participate in. A program that had instructors that didn't judge me on how pretty, cool, and apt I was. A program where kids didn't make fun of me because I spoke different or looked like a failed Mel B Scary Spice experiment. Would I have grown up to become a virtuoso in the arts? Would you all be so beneath me now because I would be on Broadway & traveling internationally accepting short list prizes and what not? Probably not. 

But I would have had a fighting chance. A chance to fall smack on my head 6 more times and then finally get that jump-kick, a chance to kiss the boy I was crushing on under the guise of being very into the role in that stage play, a chance to stand in front of my 'oppressors' saying my poem, telling them to go to hell but in so many words that they wouldn't realize until now that that's what I was saying.

Today I am able to get my achieve my dream as a participant, instructor and organizer with Loco Bloco. That $50 I asked you for in the beginning? You would be paying for not just an hour of my time as an instructor but also for the chance for me to provide inspiration, love and fulfilled dreams for the child that I was.  

Think of that child. 

Fifty Dollars is not too much to give me a fighting chance. 

Here's the deal:

Loco Bloco is having a gala on Saturday January 30th, to raise money to keep their programs alive, to purchase tickets and or Donate ANY (it doesn't have to be $50) AMOUNT. Visit www.locobloco.org. I'll love you forever!!

Love,
Your Only N

Back on the BloG again!

My name is N of one3snapshot.com and it's been over 7 years since my FIRST blog and over 2 years (before this blog) since my LAST personal blog entry.

Let's see: I started blogging when I was a tortured young soul dealing with things that I needed escaping from; so in real life I escaped from people, places and things and I found a life on the 'computer'. In a very sizable form.

See:
1. I 'decided' where I would move (and change my life) by applying online and reading descriptions.
2. I met new best friends online (or through friends I knew online).
3. I started this collective one3snapshot with the motivations of people & things that I saw online.
4. I fell in adult love for the first time with someone that I met through the process/people of being online.

So technically the second wave of my formative years were shaped heavily by my interactions through various e-vehicles. Possibly the greatest time of my life (we have to wait and see).

A few years later, I had to escape again, this time AWAY from that I had escaped to. I had to come back into the real world. I had to find my way back to the people and places and things in physical form. Primarily due to the fact that...

1. I had found solace and 'stability' in the place I moved to.
2. I lost some friends along the way but some stayed and are still currently my best friends.
3. The collective has grown, changed and continues shaping up to be something very important to me. It's a slow process but it's not going anywhere.
4. I got my adult heart broken for the first time and currently I'm ambivalent to the idealistic concepts of love.

So after years of non-interest in expressions of the e-word form...after contemplating...I begun blogging again a la the collective and have been for a few months now. I'm new but not so new.

There are 3 main One3snapshotites, 2 of us used to hardcore bloggers who are now bl-OGs...lol so like Micheal Jordan I'm going to try to make a come back, and possibly convince C to blog more too.

So far so Okay.

We'll see what more this holds for us.

hugs and tail feathers,

n

Now I'm a Terrorist

One of my favorite authors Chimamanda Adichie has a feature on TED discussing 'The Danger of a Single Story' Basically highlighting the point that its messed up that Africa to the rest of the world is pretty much a jungle of savages waiting to be saved by the blue-eyed white man.

If you're Nigerian you probably had Christmas day kinda ruined by hearing about the Nigerian man trying to blow up the Northwest Flight. If you're like me you probably also put your hand over your face, bent your head and sighed heavily. You could probably hear the sound of your heart beating faster thinking. "FUUUCCCKKK what does this mean for me now? What opportunities will silently get swiped from underneath me because of the simple fact that I'm Nigerian. Should I change my name? But I will always look Nigerian...(I get the "where are you from question ALL the time). Should I say I'm really Cameroonian not actually Nigerian?"

Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I'm just tripping. Maybe my non-Nigerian friends won't judge me or look at me weird. But it sucks. It sucks because people do shit things all the time, but when it's a blackNigerianlatino person that will be the first word that comes with the headline.
Nigerian man starts fire....
Nigerian Scam...
Nigerian man kills wife...
Nigerian...

Why is it SOOOO important that he's Nigerian, why is it so important to use that descriptor over and over and over and over again. I almost shot my self in the head from CNN being on for an hour. Ugh!

I never heard similar headlines beginning with "Whitecaucasian man blah blah blah..."

and so the stereotypes stack up

First I was selling my brothers to the white man
then I was chasing tigers naked and clucking my tongue in the back of my throat
then I was  writing letters to thousands of innocents citizens of scamming them out of their hard earned money
then I was chasing tigers naked and clucking my tongue in the back of my throat
Now i'm bombing damn planes!!
WHILE STILL CHASING TIGERS NAKED AND CLUCKING MY TONGUE IN THE BACK OF MY THROAT

And the list goes on and on...

Maybe now people can change the insults 'jokes' they make about me upon being introduced to me as a Nigerian  "Oh you're Nigerian, are you gonna 419 me? Should I give you my bank account number?"

I wonder how they would feel if I went ahead and said
 "Hey you're white so you gonna put me on a ship and sell me to your grandpa who will then proceed to rape me and make me his slave whore?"

grrrr,

N

TGFFB (Thank God for Facebook)

So the other day I was talking to one of my besties Original Mgbeke

And since these days 50% of normal human conversation must include references to happenings on Facebook or Youtube, it was only natural that I was relaying stories based on Facebook... we talked and talked and finally I was like "OM come o, thank God for Facebook if not how we go know all these things wey dey happen in the lives of those 'important' to us.You know before I used to say how Facebook will get someone in trouble but now I think I need a moment to Thank Facebook!" And we both responded in unison "Facebook thank you oooooo!"

And then I was moved to continue my exploration into this phenomenon of giving thanks to Facebook:

I have a confession testimony. Before I used to be a dedicated member of the Evangelical Ministry of  FGRM "Facebook ga raputa mmadu" (Facebook can/will destroy a person) but now I have to tell you that I've been firmly converted to the West Division Religious Science Church of  'TGFFB' (Thank God For Facebook).

Now you may ask me Sister Danslayv, to what do you owe this life changing decision? And I will answer "Brothers and Sisters please be patient, I will tell you!"

Facebook has been the culprit of many drastic life altering situations. Situations which may have not occurred or at least been discovered if not for the existence of this famous infamous social networking tool. When I was in the FGRM church I would always utter the phrase "Facebook ga raputa mmadu" while clucking the back of my throat and shaking my head slowly. Other members of the congregation would too. I finally started seeing the light by discovering that things are all about perception. Sometimes in life though things may seem horrible they really are only blessings in disguise.

The following scenarios illustrate how things could be seen in different ways:

Scenario  1.  From Facebook you can find out that your 12 year old niece Ada is doing drugs:

Ada "Hussein" VamVam says : "tk A trIp thrU da wOrld of plAnts!! whOA!!"

You: *thinking in your head* "that's awesome my niece is so smart, looks like we have a Botanist in the making." and then you read the comments to her post

Amyo Pushamyn:  4 a certifiable pothead you sho can do a lot of 'shrooms girl!
37 minutes ago

There are two ways this can be viewed:

In the FGRM doctrine you would be like "OMG I can't believe my 12 year old niece is doing drugs" In the new church of TGFFB ...Well at least now you know a bong would be a perfect gift to get her for the holiday.

Scenario 2. From Facebook you can find out that the dude you're messing with is boinking other chics.
Dude You'reDating:  "Had a mindblowing love session last night...still recovering..."

You: *trying to be relevant and coyly acknowledge that you were part of that experience but you don't wanna put your business out there hard and seem like some kinda ho. So you figure something like a smiley face and ellipses... will do the job; It will be mysterious yet engaging.You can flirt with him and also make onlookers wonder. You wait a few minutes 'cos you don't want to seem like you're hella stalking his post...Finally it's time, you go to his page to reply and see:

Odachic Hebanged:  :)...
9 minutes ago

In the FGRM doctrine you would be like "OMG I can't believe this dude is messing with some other chic!"  In the new church of TGFFB ...Well at least now you know that it wasn't his sick mom he went to visit after he left your bed last night.

Scenario 3. Your brother gets tagged in a picture. It's one of him hospitalized with an IV and bandages on his head.

Afro Man was tagged in an album Mobile Uploads
6 hours ago

You *Almost have a heart attack, but catch yourself* Maybe this is from a play or movie my aspiring actor brother is involved in. *you click comments to research and you see*

Ashley Ripa: 'm gonna 2  to church on sunday.... thank god u still alive....
06 January at 10:50 · Report

Theophilus Okonkwo:  IN FACT, MY GUY THE LORD NA M DELIVA U. I DEY HERE I GO COM FOR HOSPITAL...EVERTIN GO DEY ALRIGHT....NKECHI SAY MAKE I GREET YOU SHE DEY CRY LAST NIGHT...DEY FEAR LOOK THIS PIC... TO
06 January at 10:52 · Report

Big Bully Ed Eddie: Yo Nigga them bitches (not niggas cos only a bitch would try to take some nigga for his money we got yo back you gon be good thank god you still with us. you gotta watch the fools around you at all time ya feel me ma nigga. fuc dem niggas who tried to bring you down i mean bitches cos dey sum bitches.
06 January at 10:59 · Report

In the FGRM doctrine you would be like "OMG I can't believe my brother is hospitalized!"  In the new church of TGFFB ...Well at least now you know that your brother almost died and you didn't know.

4. From Facebook you can find out that your Best friend is moving to a foreign country

Best Friend:  Virgin Airlines has some really nice seats yo! Can't wait to get this journey started
You: huh?

Comments on her status updates:

Ashley Ripa: 'have a safe trip girlie. I need to plan a trip out there. miss ya
2 minutes ago

Theophilus Okonkwo: MADAM MAKE U NO FORGET US O... WE WHO NO GET ADVENTURE THEY GO LIVE IN CHINA FOR TWO YEARS... MAKE YOU DEY BUY US SOME STUFF SEND US... I GO STAY ON TOP FACEBOOK DEY LOOK UR FINE FINE PICTURES....TO
3 minutes ago

Big Bully Ed Eddie: chi ching chung. damn you wuz fo real going to asia. u cool.
5 minutes ago

In the FGRM doctrine you would be like "OMG I can't believe my best friend is going to fucking China and I don't know about this!"  In the new church of TGFFB ...Well at least now you know that your best friend doesn't consider you important enough to tell you a life altering decision such as moving to a foreign country.

So you see my dear friends there are two sides to every Facebook story. It can get you in trouble but it can also make you realize how other people function. To support my claim I have testimonies from some members of the TGFFB eastern chapter about how Facebook changed their lives.

Lovina Adebobi said:
"I am a 30 year old woman and have been dating this man for 3 years in an LDR. I knew we would be getting married and had already started making plans to move to the state that he lived in. I had talked to my job about leaving and given my apartment notice. One day I logged in to facebook and someone had tagged him in a picture. It was a picture of him a woman, 2 children and a baby. In the comments everyone was congratulating them on their new baby and saying how they had such a beautiful marriage that had lasted for 2 years. My family members kept saying FGRM...and I felt like my life was over, Facebook had destroyed my life. But now that I think about it TGFFB because now at least I know."

Clifford Rumptin said:
"If not for everyone's status updates. How else would I have known that Micheal Jackson was dead? I was able to quickly turn it around and promote my MJ parties and make T-shirts. I don't even like MJ... now I'm rich biatch!"

Do you have a life changing story about how Facebook changed your life? If you do please share with us.

Peace,
Sister N

Reader's Digest

I've been reading a lot of op-eds lately that have got me thinking...
This NYT article about how race factors into employment more so in the recession saddened me but made more determined to do what I can to make a meaningful difference. We individually do a lot of volunteer work on and off our day jobs, for instance, N works for an after-school youth program. That right there is affecting the lives of young people. Though the day-to-day activities could be tasking, I know that some of the things she says to some of the kids will stick with them for years to come. Among other things, she's involved with Loco Bloco who by the way, are putting on a fund raising event, so if you're in the Bay Area you should look into it. Over the years for me, I have basically looked for opportunities where I can work with kids and technology. I currently volunteer through a women-techies program to introduce middle school girls to engineering, I've coached for FLL, tutored high school kids for a math competition and I've been toying with the idea of teaching a financial literacy class though Girls Inc.

Back to the point I was trying to make, after reading that article and some of the comments, I am thankful I volunteered to be on my company's recruiting team we need more empathetic people to be involved in the recruiting process. I truly believe that it is so important to find ways to pay it forward when you have landed that job unfortunately not enough people do that and how easy it is to forget that you were once on the outside looking in.

I'm a part-time lurker at Racialicious and it was from there I got put on to Model Minority, she has written so many thought-provoking pieces that resonate with me, none more than this piece on Beyonce. I am not the biggest Beyonce fan, I'll listen to a song or two of hers when it's on the radio but you will be hard pressed to find any of her music in my mp3 player or doing her dances enthusiastically in the club. Most days I can half-intelligently explain to folks why I do not like her. All I have been able to say to people in my conversations about her is there is something disturbing about knowing that some dude can mute his tv and jerk off to your music video and you don't care because the numbers in your bank account increase exponentially every year. Some points that I have noted for future use which M.Dot points out are:

Why is a light skinned middle class Black woman from the suburbs of Houston perpetually singing about needing a baller when she made $87M in 07-08 and what role does this play in normalizing transactional relationships (money for sex) between young Black people?

...that's all folks, and now, back to the grind...

Fela!

I remember my sister and her friend practicing shaking their booties because they wanted to be Fela dancers. It's crazy that he is gone but his music and legacy still lives. I read this review of the broadway musical Fela! and the pictures reminded me of when I saw Femi Kuti in concert a few years ago. That was pretty amazing! I thought it was the closest you can get to seeing the real Abami Eda deal; but it looks like this musical may just be a little closer...
Source: NYT
- C

c.u.r.r.e.n.t ( in this moment)

• fruit obsession: Persimmons &; Pomegranates

• reading: Immortal: Love Stories with a Bite. not because that's the kinda shit I pick up to read, but because I'm doing a 5 for 5 book exchange with a teen (we read/finish at least 5 books given by the other). Apparently that's all teenagers read/watch these days: poorly written stories about the undead.
• song stuck in my head: Yori Yori by Bracket; Poison by Bill Bev Devoe; My Name by Lhasa De Sela
  
• creative project: Earrings for myself & friends, Dance piece for my Pocos Locos dance class, invitation cards for a teenager's baby shower 
• coordinating project: Loco Bloco's 2010 Blocura Gala
• favorite place to be: on a plane away from here
  
• event: the classic house party that i threw with like 10 other people last weekend; Nneka @ Cafe Du Nord (pics coming soon)
  
• pet peeve: none
  
• social justice outcry: ...
  
• general mental state: oppressed bliss
  
• random happening: walking out of the BART station in Berkeley with my friend, and getting vocally harassed by a bunch of young black boys; the weirdest thing was they almost let us go all the way through without saying anything to us (phew) but then as soon as I thought we would make it, they started out talking to us, and got exponentially louder and messy the further we got away. strange.
  
• current one3snapshot tee i can't stop wearing: Charcoal gray "Frida" Tee with neck line cut off
  
• social networking site: okcupid.com
• online destructive habit: reading live EVERY live feed update on fb (i do only have 200 'real & close enough' friends)
• all time destructive habit: orderings crafting supplies on amazon & other sites so I can feed my obsession about receiving packages in the mail
• pics: 

these are my obssesssionnssss

one3snapshot is now available at artillery apparel gallery in the mission @24th

loco bloco is having a gala one3snapshot is doing the graphic work and everyone's invited www.locobloco.org

some gooooodd sweet potato & pear pie (that my friend made) with plain yogurt on top.: nutritious and tasty

 

jars of applesauce from an apple-sauce making workshop with kids & families

 

bye bye

,n

Some Pics & Video from Dia de Los Muertos

What's White Gotta do with it?

Okay so I checked my email this morning. and this link: 'we don't need another anti-racism 101' was sent to my by a friend . who is white (keep reading ). So I read it. And it felt like someone had finally put a period at the end of a sentence I've been trying to put together for a while. I used to write a lot. Now...I just sleep-think. My most passionate moments are when I wake up in the morning; I've spent all night reflecting on something, and it finally clicks when I wake up. I haven't been writing as much due to various reasons. So now most of my thoughts on world views are chucked up to individual conversations with a handful of people that I feel comfortable going there with.
I have a lot of strong opinions, but I also am such an emotionally private person that I run far as hell away from discussions about these things. Because I feel so strongly about them that I just chuck these conversations to one on ones discussions with a few people in my life, and for a while now there's basically been one person who I really can go there with.

I've been thinking. Maybe I should try to verbalize more. Maybe I should try to start writing more. I'm struggling, with the whole thing.

All this to say:
I read that post. And if you look at the comments you'll see a typical response from me. From my comment you can't tell anything about me or what I think. That's me, that's what I do. I am so filled with thoughts but I'll say something mundane because I can't go there. But then I started reading all other comments and sitting and thinking, and so I went back and started writing a comment, and it got hella long, so I was like umm Blog post!! and here is my response. It's maybe not really a response more like me  thinking out loud...
....
Right now in my life about half of my close and intimate friends are white. This is hard. Why? Because these are people that I've shared personal experiences with and have grown to love. But also people who I find myself in lots of conflict with simply based on their skin color and what it perpetuates in society.  I start to question if I should have certain people in my life based on my formal values & their informal actions. i.e. Should I take a firm stand and say "I'm not going to be friends with you anymore because you're a white person that did xyz, or doesn't do abc"? Even though you're a human being that has pretty much the same formal values as I do. I mean I can't divorce my family (biological & acquired) members because of values & beliefs, actions that differ from mine, so should I do this to some simply because they are white?

I guess I could... it's my choice.

I'm in a group of 'artists' where I'm one other person of color. I am constantly struggling with my role in the group, how much time/energy/soul I should put into resolving conflicts or highlighting certain issues? I've gotten the blame feedback sometimes that I don't bring issues up; and I should try to be more vocal about issues that I observe. As if it were my sole responsibility to realize that certain actions are 'racist' (this being a general term)and try to redeem people from these actions.

sooo..

Okay I've brought it up. It's said. It gets discussed. Nothing gets done about it. It happens again and again.

Is it my place to be the secretary and timekeeper for a bunch of white people who obviously really don't care in the first place? Should keep harping on how I'm being wronged? "C'mon guys remember we talked about this! C'mon guys what are we gonna do about you all carrying out racists behaviors & situation? C'mon guys let's do something, remember we had that three-hour long meeting about it?"

I think the thing I have the hardest time with is. I tell this white person my  problem. They don't ask me how they can help me. Maybe I tell them. But they ignore it, and they come up with a grand plan of how THEY think my problem should be solved, or what they think I need to get or do to solve my problem. But when it comes down to getting grimey and following through with what I need and what I decide and how I see it needs to get done. Instead we get wrapped up in rhetoric and I forget what the fuck it was I was talking about in the first place. That's the shit that drives me crazy.

I am tired of being the token black person whom the white man employs to make themselves feel better about how 'anti-racist' they are. There has to be a better way.

no pictures.

just ramble,
N

r.a.n.d.o.m

The Vietnamese restaurant down the street from my job knows me. My voice over the phone and everything. Okay so I pretty much order the same thing all the time, and before I'm done, she'll say "(my name) right?". So the other day I changed up my order. I'm like "may i get some curry chicken over rice?" she asked "what's your name?" and when I said it she was all confused, sounded stunned and was like err err. And I said. "Ha I changed it up you!" I think I threw her whole day off. Haha! That'll teach her.

Other random shit

1. Coming soon: not that awesome Pics & Video Clips from Loco Bloco playing in San Francisco's Dia de Los Muertos Celebration in The Mission (highlights include me doing a dance inviting a police van to run me over, because I wouldn't move outta the way).
2. I'm gonna celebrate Sadie Hawkins Day this year. Like hardcore. I'm gonna gather some other girlfriends and get it popping. Maybe next year I'll even throw a party. Holla if you down.
3. I need a spa day.

random post. random pics

i've been on an earring making frenzy. i swear i'll be making them and not eatphckorsleep

 

outtakes from ZARA's flyest video shoot. that was a styling collaboration with one3snapshot & cocoacentric (yeah I styled those 'butlers')

outtakes from ZARA's flyest video shoot. that was a styling collaboration with one3snapshot & cocoacentric (ZARA herself rocking the 'You never Imagined I'd make it this far Tee'..., 'cos in a bit we won't have imagined it)

random cocktail hour, cos sometimes you should just rock your shades and sip som'n

the end,
N