How Facebook Ruined My Life

If I didn't suspect that my mom, family members and possibly impressionable youth that I work with read this blog, this post might have been titled 'Fuck Facebook!'. But as they probably all do it has the above title.

Side note: Between griping about Facebook and Beyonce I can't possibly think of what else to write about. I need to reel it in. Or else by the time I die that's all I'll have to my name.

"Our beloved N, she spent her life hating Facebook and Beyonce."

But in the spirit of my originally intended title I shall now I proceed.

Many or (one) of you may remember my TGFF (Thank God for Facebook) post. Where I described the conflict between members of the TGFF and FGRM Facebook ga a raputa mmadu (Igbo for Facebook will destroy a person). Well I'm pleased to announce to you that the FGRM has now split and a  2^nd generationer: the 'Fuck Facebook Fam' (very hip) has now formed.

Another thing you may need to know is that I'm considering joining this group, although I was one of the original founding members of the TGFF group and aslo the FGRM group as well (don't ask me how, I just got it like that).

You want to know why I am thinking of joining the FFF?

Okay sure I don't have to be on Facebook. I know. I don't know why I still am. I don't really want to go into any of the reasons personally, professionally or otherwise that I am but that's just the case. Using Facebook is like doing every sin. You feel dirty, nasty, you swear never to do it again. The next day, hour okay minute you find yourself doing it again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

EVERYTIME Facebook introduces a new 'Privacy' setting method, all they are saying is that they have 'removed' some privacy features that you possibly took comfort in by fooling yourself that you were keeping things private. Yes. There are two ways I could go with this I could go the STIMW (semi-techno-intellectual modern woman) route and actually write down concrete things about what I mean, or I could go the ABG (Angry, not Awkward, Black Girl) route and just ramble about how wack Facebook is.

Basically here's the deal according to an FFF representative that I interviewed the other day.

"Facebook is wack. It will steal your money. Get you fired. Cheat on you. Dump you. Get you arrested. And take all your friends. Everyone will know your business, some business that you don't know they know and some that you didn't even know yourself.

Before you could just hide your page and only add friends if you wanted and only the people you wanted could see things (not really but let's just say). Now as they 'update' their privacy options they take each of those things out one at a time.

So yes what I'm trying to say is, the only way to not have your business out is to leave Facebook Actually that's a lie. It's too late sucker, your business is already out there. It knows where you live and it will come and sleep with your wife and then post the pictures on Facebook and then tag you but hide it from you so that all your friends will see and tumblr tweet it and then you will finally find out and get depressed and then call in sick. But because you checked into 'places' it will know what you're not really sick so it will call your boss and tell your boss that you were not sick but that you were at the mall, so you get fired. And then you can't pay your rent so you get evicted and now you have to crash on your friends couch, you're hungry and broke so you 'borrow' your friends EBT card and get some popeyes and the police finds out and they arrest you. On Friday. And now everyone has tweeted that you're a thief so your friends won't talk to you anymore.

See? I told you Facebook will ruin your life.

So yeah FF!!"

Wow. Well that was a mouthful!

Until next time

N

(Founder TGFF & TGRM and newest inductee of FFF)